Ten Things NOT To Say To Those Who Are Grieving

Relating to someone who is grieving can be very awkward.  Often times it is difficult to know what to say or how to handle the sometimes raw emotions of someone who is grieving.  After having experienced a deep loss in my own life, I have compiled my own list of what NOT to say to those who are grieving.  

10.  She is in a better place.
        Even if this is true, it is just not helpful.
9.  Be thankful for the time you did have.  
        This is not the time for a “look at the bright side” moment.
8.  It must be bitter-sweet.
      No, it is not bitter sweet.  It is only bitter and there is not one sweet thing about it.  Don’t assume that the person is relieved even if the person who is gone was in great pain or the relationship wasn’t perfect.  
7.  You will feel better with time.  
     Once again this might be true but not something to say at this time.  It hurts now.
6.  God won’t give you anything you can’t handle.  
     Spiritualizing the loss does not necessarily bring comfort. 
5.  I know how you feel.
     This is just not true.  Each person has a very different and personal experience of grief.
4.  Look at all you have to be thankful for!
     Thankfulness does not relieve the pain of loss.
3.  Maybe God was protecting her from something worse down the road.
     The clinical term for this “rationalization”.
2.  Yeah? I have problems, too.
      Does this one need an explanation? 
1.  Silence.
     Please, at least acknowledge the loss.

There you go.  This is my non-scientific, non-professional, and very opinionated PSA for the week. 

  • Charbelle - July 27, 2010 - 2:58 pm

    I try very hard to avoid all the above comments, it's so hard to know what to say but all those that you listed I definitely agree are what NOT to say!!ReplyCancel

  • Ky • twopretzels.com - July 27, 2010 - 10:44 pm

    Well, well said.

    What a good reminder for others.

    (big hug)ReplyCancel

Your email is never published or shared. Required fields are marked *