Anticipation

To get all there is out of living, we must employ our time wisely, never being in too much of a hurry to stop and sip life, but never losing our sense of the enormous value of a minute.” -- Robert Updegraff

Of all the lessons life has thrown my way, one ranks above the rest.  Maybe it's because I have been the given opportunity to learn it over and over and over and over again.  Or maybe it's just that I've finally decided to acknowledge it, accept it, and just see it for what it is.  Either way, I know it's true. . . I know that the anticipation of an event is most often far worse than the reality of it.

Can I get an Amen?

So as to prevent myself from blubbing all over Running Chatter and embarrassing myself about my departure from maternity leave back into the work world tomorrow, I'm going to heed Mr. Updegraff's words. . . Today, I'm going to slow down and sip life as it comes.  I'm going to get a little extra sleep.  I'm going to focus on the gift of this moment.  I'm going to see the value in today. 

Today, I will be thankful.

More later. . .

The Real World

During the final moments of the evening, I lay in Chanelle's bed with my 4 and 6 year old nestled on either side of me.  Tonight I could tell that Chanelle was extra tired as she buried her blonde locks as close to me as she could so even the tiniest light couldn't pass through us.  As I read the final page of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore's adventure and prepared for my departure, she draped her arm over my body, tempting me to stay.  I snuggled in close and whispered my good night, I love you so much Chanelle, and kissed her warm forehead.  Charlie and I climbed down her loft and before parting ways his little arms reached around me for his goodnight.  I pulled his head close to me and repeated my, I love you, for Charlie.  I stole a kiss on the top of his head, because at six years old, the only kisses you get are the stolen kind.  As I quietly closed their door, I stepped out into the darkened hallway and for a moment, I paused.  In that moment, I inhaled deeply and instantly I felt my body release the tension it had been carrying. 

These little people. . . they ground me.

I'm headed back to work next week and I am holding on, with white knuckle grip, to each of these remaining days before I return.  It probably sounds silly, I'm only going to be working one day a week (I salute you Mommies that work full time. . . I'm pretty sure I would have a nervous breakdown or would misplace at least one of my kids if I even attempted such a feat), but I am grieving the end of this time at home.  As I was driving home from seeing my supervisor yesterday I found myself thinking well, I guess it's back to the Real World.  But as soon as I recognized the thought I stopped it. 

The Real World?  Um, Summer, this is the real world.

This Mommy-thing. . . it's the real deal and on a night like this, I know I have the best job in the world.  It's like having a front row seats to a concert of your favorite band or better yet. . .backstage passes.  Here I sit and I watch these little people that once fit in my forearm become bigger little people who light up a room simply by their presence.

And as I've spent the last three months being only their Mom, I've found out that being their Mom is enough. 

Today, I stole away to a corner and just watched my baby sleeping.  I tuned my ears into her rhythmic snoring as she swayed back and forth in her swing, while my eyes traced the delicateness of her soft feet. 

Later, I watched as Charlie let go of his "I'm too cool for pictures" attitude and revealed a true smile the produced flip flops in my stomach.

And if Charlie produces flip flops, Chanelle melts my heart.  She came into the kitchen while I was making Charlie's lunch for school tomorrow.  When she saw me reach for the napkin (on which I have begun writing notes or drawing pictures for Charlie) she asked if she could write on the napkin. 

This was an obviously top secret mission and she went to great lengths to be sure that he did not come near the premises.  He will be surprised, she reported.  I write about this now, but I'm quite sure I won't forget this moment. . . How do you spell "love", Mommy?  I want him to know I love him.  Her excitement about placing this napkin in his lunch was equal to that of Christmas morning.

As I stand back and watch the three of them I allow my mind to imagine the people they will be some day.  I wonder what will make them tick, where they might find their passions, and who they will become. 

And in this moment, I realize that the real world isn't somewhere out there at a certain job or in a certain place or with a particular title.  For me, in this season, the real world is here in front of me, right where I am.

Chanelle's debut photo

As I paused outside of their room tonight I was reminded of the gift this parenting thing is.  Sometimes, it easy for me to get lost in the responsibility of teaching them the details like ABCs or shoe tying.  Isn't it my job to teach them about the real world?  To teach them what life is really all about?  Yet in the quiet that filled my soul as my hand released their door knob tonight, I realized how much they are teaching me about the important things.  I mean, the really important things. 

Tonight, my heart is thankful.

The Real World, Summer?  Yep, you're already in it. 

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I also want to say a big thank you to my newest followers!  You guys are awesome.  All of you are.  Unless you are a fellow blogger you might not understand the momentum it is to know that people are reading.  THANK YOU for letting me know you are reading.   Really. . . Thank you.

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It's Friday, Friends.  Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Running Chatter

My eyes popped open to the xylophone sound of the alarm clock of my cell phone.  I stared at the numbers on the clock and attempted to clear the fog from my head. . .6:00.  I stared at the snooze button on the alarm as I participated in a morning debate with myself. . .

It's okay to skip a day.  No, just get it done, you know you will feel better.  What's the rush, chill out, you ran yesterday and you know you will run tomorrow.  Oh, just get up and do it, you know you will have more energy today if you do.  You were up with Meadow for an hour last night. . . go back to bed.  You just put her down at 4 a.m.. . . you know you will have time to do it.

As is typical, the obsessive-compulsive side won and I jumped out of bed to get my run in.  I really was ready to get up.  It was Tuesday and we had no plans to go anywhere and no to-do list that really needed tackled.  I had a fun activity planned for the kids, a meal to throw in the crock pot and a low-key but fulfilling day was anticipated.

Do you ever have days don't go exactly how you planned?  Days when the reality doesn't quite match the anticipated? 

Today was one of those days. 

It wasn't really that Meadow started squawking her appeals to get up at 6:20 a.m.  And it wasn't necessarily that the activity that I'd been talking up to the kids for days was ultimately a bust.  And really it didn't have too much to do with the fact that Meadow peed on me, then threw up on me, followed by my spilling a bottle of Diet Mountain Dew all over myself, resulting in three changes of clothing in a matter of 15 minutes.  And ultimately, it wasn't really listening to the disappointed "awwww!!" that escaped Charlie and Chanelle's lips each time I said no or asked them to do something. 

I think, maybe, it was just a culmination of it all that makes me tired tonight and realizing that sometimes I just got to go with the flow. . . even if the day didn't measure up quite the way I wanted it to.  Either way, it is what it is and the hodgepodge of Running Chatter it is. . .


1.  He Did It. . . And So Did I!

Velcro shoes are a beautiful thing.  They really are.  If you have young kids the goal is usually how can we get where we are going as quickly and painlessly as possible?  The more you can cut out extraneous activity, the better.  Thus enters, velcro, slip on, or buckle shoes.  Anything but shoes with laces.  That's the way we've rolled for six years, until Charlie said it. . . will you teach me to tie my shoes?

Here is my Mom confession of the day:  I have zero patience.  Teachers out there. . . I don't know how you do it.  I struggle to find the words to adequately explain and easily demonstrate tasks that we adults take for granted.  My typical MO is this:  pawn it off on Chad.

The lack of sleep must be getting to me, though, because on Monday I sat down with Charlie and decided we were both going to tackle this shoe tying thing.  Twenty minutes later. . . voila!. . . he had it down.

My boy was proud and was thrilled to show off his new skill the second Chad walked in the door.

Notice that tongue. . . always a sign of deep concentration

Oh yeah. . . he's a shoe-tying pro now.

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2.  They're Back

They show up every winter.  This time of year, we see them daily.  They meander out from the woods behind our house a few times a day and shop for their days meal.  The kids and I love to watch them, count them, and take pictures of them.  You might think I'm the first one to rush for my camera, right?  Well, you'd be wrong.  As soon as we get a sighting Charlie rushes for his Leappad, which doubles as a camera.

I love that he likes to capture them as much as I do.  Unfortunately, his enthusiasm presents a problem.  Little boy in yellow shirt running toward deer, results in the Running Of The Deer.

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3.  Speaking of Tongues. . .

I've talked about it here before.  The way that my family members stick their tongues out when they are really concentrating on something.  Chad does it.  Charlie does it.  My Father in Law does it.  Chanelle does it.  Guess what?

Meadow does it, too. 

I'm now convinced.  It's got to be in Chad's gene's. 

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4.  How Old Am I?

Today I looked down at myself and flashed back to 5th grade. . .

Striped purple shirt. . . striped purple socks. 

No wonder Meadow did her business all over me. 

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5.  Cure for boredom

While we've had a somewhat mild winter. . . we are still stuck inside much of the time.  This is the time of year when we are reaching far and wide to come up with good ideas that will entertain for longer than three minutes.  Our latest idea has been going strong for two full days.

Drag mattress into the living room, rearrange furniture and let them go at it.  Charlie and Chanelle have created bridges, slides, tents, trampolines, and on and on and on.  Interestingly, all of their old toys have become even more fun when they get to play them on a mattress in the living room.

As always, it's the little things.

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6.  End Rolls

The other day a friend from another state called me and asked if I'd ever heard of "End Rolls".  She explained that local papers often give away or sell (at minimal cost) the end rolls of their production paper, paper they would otherwise discard.  She explained that the paper is huge and great for arts and crafts.  I was a little cynical at first, but I thought I would give it a try anyway. 

I called our local paper and as soon as I used the term "end roll" they directed me to their production facility.  Just minutes later we picked up a HUGE roll of paper that has already provided hours of entertainment for Charlie and Chanelle.

Go ahead, give it a try.  Call your newspaper and ask about end rolls.  Who can pass up free stuff?

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7.  49

I'm up to 49 followers!  (If you could see me, you would see me making a happy face.)  You want to know what would make me do a happy dance? 

50 followers! 

I invite you to follow me. . . let me know you are reading and tell your friends. 

Who knows, maybe there will be a prize it in for my 50th follower. . . like, for example, the secret recipe to  wonderfully tasting, divinely aromatic Poppy Seed bread. 

Come on now. . . who wouldn't push a "Join This Site" button for that?

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8.  Poppy Seed Bread

Who am I kidding?  I'm not into bribes.  Seriously, I'd love to have a 50th and 51st and even more followers. . . but I'll refrain from the bribery.  Here's the recipe for a bread that will always get you showered with compliments. . .

POPPY SEED BREAD

Batter:
3 cups all purpose flour
2 cups sugar
3 eggs
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 1/2 tsp. salt
1 1/2 poppy seeds
1 1/2 cups milk
3/4 cups vegetable oil
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 tsp. almond extract
1 1/2 tsp. butter flavoring

Glaze
1/4 cup orange juice
1/2-3/4 cup sugar
1/2 tsp. almond extract
1/2 tsp. butter flavoring
1/2 tsp. vanilla

In a large bowl, combine all batter ingredients in order given.  Do not include glaze ingredients as this point.
Beat with electric mixer for 2 minutes until well blended.  Pour into 2 well greased and floured 8x4x3 loaf pans.
Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour.
Mix ingredients for glaze in order given.
While bread is still warm, pierce tops with a fork and pour glaze over all.
Cool and Enjoy!

This is quick, easy and delicious.  I promise you will get compliments. 

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9.  Another recipe

Since we're talking recipes, I thought I would re-post another favorite of mine, in case you are new here.  I am asked to bring these cookies most places I go.  This one is from Crisco.

ULTIMATE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ( original recipe By Crisco)
(My changes in ( ) )

3/4 cup (3/4 stick) Butter Flavor Crisco Shortening
1 1/4 cups firmly packed light brown sugar
2 Tablespoon milk
1 Tablespoon vanilla
1 egg
1 3.4 cups Pillsbury All-Purpose Flour
1 teaspoon salk
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips (I use 2 cups)
1 cup coarsely chopped pecans (I leave out)

1.  Heat oven to 375 degree F.  Place sheets of foil on counter top for cooling cookies.
2.  Combine Butter Flavor Crisco, brown sugar, milk, and vanilla in large bowl.  Beat at medium speed of electric mixer until well blended.  Beat egg into creamed mixture.
3.  Combine Pillsbury all-purpose Flour, salt and baking soda.  Mix into creamed mixture just until blended.  Stir in chocolate chips and pecan pieces. 
4.  Drop rounded tablespoonfuls of dough 3 inches apart onto ungreased baking sheet. (I make mine much bigger than 1 T.)  Bake one baking sheet at a time at 375 for 8-1- minutes for chewy cookies, or 11 to 13 minutes for crisp cookies.  DO NOT OVERBAKE.
Cool 2 minutes on baking sheet.  Remove cookies to foil to cool completely.
MAKES ABOUT 3 DOZEN. (Makes about 2 dozen)


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10.  Blog Updates
For some reason my blog has started to delay updating on blog rolls and Dashboard and Google reader.  Sometimes it is a couple of hours and others up to a date later that my blog shows it has been updated. 

I have yet to figure out the problem.  If anyone knows why this might be happening. . . I'd love to know how to fix it.

But as I said earlier. . . somethings don't go as we plan.  Blogs don't update on time, fun days turn into days filled with hiccups, and sometimes dinner gets burned.

Whatever the case. . . life still goes on, right?

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Happy Wednesday, Friends. . .


Chatter Out.

It's Not About Vanity

The internal dialogue went something like this. . .

Why would I take self portraits?  It seems kind of. . . vain?  Self indulgent? Uncomfortable? Why would I spend time doing something I abhor by placing myself in front of the camera?  Besides, who am I to think I could even tackle such a project?  Such things are for the photographers, the edgy type, the risk-takers, the real artists.  I'm just a small town girl with a little camera feeling my way through every day. . . I'd just be wasting my time.

. . . I'm sure there was more, but that was the gist of the one-sided conversation that took place in my head as I contemplated taking part of the In The Picture project.  Despite my own resistance, something about the project wooed me.  Something reached past my fears and insecurities and beckoned me to do something that would typically make me run in the opposite direction.  I had no idea why, but I just knew I had to give it a shot.

When the project began I told myself I would take at least one self portrait this year.  Then it became two.  Then three. . . four. . .five. . . up to eight, so far. 

Certainly, it seems odd to some. . . this taking self portraits thing.  I know it seemed strange to me at first.  But as I took those initial small steps from behind to the front of the camera, I began to understand that it's not about vanity at all.  I began to see that this project, at least for me, is about so much more than taking a picture.  In a strange way, it has been another step toward discovering this whole other person inside of me. 

Oh, don't hear me wrong. . . this crazy-I-could-care-less-what-anyone-thinks person hasn't emerged from deep within. . . but I have caught glimpses of someone who is a little braver, slightly bolder, a bit less reserved, and far more willing to look silly.  This person is finding herself a little more comfortable stepping out into the unknown, and willing to admit that maybe, as Marianne Williamson puts it, she too, is meant to shine. 

And maybe this is going to sound crazy, but this whole thing has gotten me asking a lot of questions.  'What if' questions. . .

What if we all believed we were meant to shine?  What if each of us lived up to our full potential?  What if we all saw ourselves as we truly are?  What if we had the courage to face our fears?  What if each of us had the courage to chase our dreams? What if we all shined as we are meant to shine?

What if?

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"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  your playing small doesn't serve the world.  There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do.  We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -Marianne Williamson

Three Months Ago. . .

. . . our family changed forever.

Three months ago, in the chill of the early morning hours, Chad and I walked across a darkened parking lot loaded down with our bags and our uncertainties.  We walked into the maternity ward of the hospital while our hearts pounded nervously.  How is our life going to change?  How is our family going to change?  Are we messing up something that already feels so right?  How is this transition going to go?

Three months ago, I had no idea that a tiny little being would create such clarity.  That she would bring life into greater focus.  That suddenly, things would seem clearer.

Three months ago it would be proven again. . . love doesn't divide, it multiplies.

It is strange when I realize that she has only been with us for three short months.  Three months?!  I honestly don't remember a time when she wasn't with us.  It's as if she has always been a part of "us".  And really, if I look at the bigger picture. . . she has. . . I just didn't know it.

I'm one of those people who believe that we are born with a plan and for a purpose.  I believe that this little girl is here for a reason. . . just as her brother and sister are.  I think one of the greatest things about being their Mom is watching this plan and purpose unfold. 

Three months ago we welcomed a wrinkly little newborn into our lives and today we delight in the way she has grown and changed.  From her cheeks that take up half of her body weight to her toes that curl when we kiss them, this little life has only brought delight to all four of us.

I'm not sure when that "newness" wears off.  You know what I'm talking about. . . how each time they smile you beckon the entire family because the smile is an event.  Or, each coo and gurgle creates a shut down of all other sounds. . . shhhh! She's talking!!  And still, after three months, we all huddle around the monitor in the mornings when we hear her stir.  Charlie and Chanelle race to Meadow's room and oooooh and awwww  as they watch her eyes light up at their appearance.  Without a doubt, the morning does not begin until they give her their gentle hugs. 

Nope, I'm not sure when the newness wears off, but I know it's not three months.

I think back to the questions that filled our minds as we walked into the unknowns of a family of five.  If I would have known then what I know now. . . I would understood there is no need to fear. 

How is our life going to change?  It's going to be more beautiful.
How is our family going to change?  It's going to be fuller.
Are we messing up something that already feels so right?  Nope, it's going to be more complete.
How is this transition going to go? It's going to be just fine.

Three months ago I didn't realize that the heart has an endless capacity for love.  Love her we do.

And as we celebrate our third month with Meadow, it only seems fitting to that it should happen on the week that is all about love.  It's touted as a Halmark holiday.  A day created by greeting card companies to sell more cards.  It's often overlooked or remarked about sarcastically.  Some think it's only for lovers while others see it as a source of pain.

Valentines Day. . .you won't hear a bah humbug from me.

Who am I to look down my nose at a day when I can celebrate my most precious gifts?  I won't do it.  I can't do it.  In our house, Valentine's Day is a family affair that begins first thing in the morning. .  .

Can you think of a better way to celebrate than pink, heart-shaped pancakes?  Yeah, me either.  I don't really buy into the "buying" of Valentine's day, but I am all over the talking about and celebrating love.  Charlie, Chanelle and I spent the day preparing for a special meal that evening.  While Charlie cut out heart decor, Chanelle and I prepared a special dessert.

Maybe they would have loved to get big stuffed teddy bears or heart shaped boxes of candy, but I had a better idea.  What could be better than giving them a meat mallet and allowing them to hammer in the kitchen? 

It really is the little things.

We spent all day in the kitchen, just the three of us, making memories that I'm sure will last a very long time.

And when all is said and done, the thought crosses my mind. . . is it worth it?  The time, the mess, the energy?  Is it really worth it?

And as quickly as the thought appears, it is gone. 

Of course it's worth it. Love is always worth it.

Soar

"I always wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere on earth.  Then I ask myself the same question." -Harun Yahya

Do you ever ask yourself questions like this?  Do you ever dig deep in search of what you really think?  What you really believe?  What you really feel?  Who you really are?

Maybe I'm just overly tired tonight.  Maybe lack of sleep or this nasty cold has gotten the best of me.  Maybe I'm spending too much time in my head.

All of the above are likely true. 

Still, I can't shake it.  There is more to know.  More to recognize.  More to discover. 

More.

The skies are the limits.  Or, better yet. . . there are no limits.

More later.

All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.  -Thomas Edward Lawrence

What is the perfect ending to a wonderful weekend?

Why, I'm so glad you asked. 

It looks something like this. . .

We went home this weekend.  Home?  Okay, it's not really my home. I haven't lived there for a really long time, but I still claim it as my own.  Maybe there is some deep psychological issue within me that leads me to continue to call it home. . . maybe?  Or, perhaps, it is a place where I feel so comfortable and peaceful and happy that the only word that seems fitting is, well, home.

I choose to believe the latter. 

We went home over the weekend to (belatedly) celebrate my Dad's birthday.  It was a beautiful weekend.  There was a light dusting of snow that made it perfect for staying cozy inside.

One of my favorite things about going home is watching my kids.  It seems when they are away from the familiarity of their own toys and space their imaginations come alive.  Paper airplanes entertain for hours, wooden blocks create art, and a long hall way becomes a gym. 

Gone are the typical complaints of young kids and never do we hear the words I'm bored.  Even Meadow remained calm and content after finding her favorite spot in the house.

I don't know what it is about going home, but it just feels so. . .  homey.  It almost seems that as soon as I walk into the house all stress and strain disappears and my entire body relaxes.  When my Dad issues his why don't you go take a nap, I'll watch the kids, I can barely toss him Meadow quick enough before I run to the bedroom and rest more soundly than I have in months.  Personally, I think there is something in the air at my Dad's house. . . even Chanelle succumbs to it.

Or,  maybe it's the fact that I know that the kids are in the great big loving hands of the man that raised me and so all seems right with the world.

That's probably more like it. 

I don't think I will ever get tired of watching my Dad being a Grandpa, or Poppy, as we call him.  I guess it's just that I know how fortunate they are to have him as an encourager in their lives.  When it comes down to it, our kids are incredibly blessed in the Grandparent department. . . on both sides. 

And it's not going to be long before Meadow understands it, too. . .

Already, there is a huge amount of love being poured out. . .

Speaking of love. . . we all love my Dad a lot.  It was back in December when my sister and I began talking about what we would do for my Dad's birthday.  We sorted through the ideas in our head and were excited when we came up with the idea of taking him to a special dinner at the Melting Pot. Seems like a great idea, right?  Well, yes, if you have no budget to consider. 

So, what is even better than the Melting Pot?  I'll tell you. . . the Melting Pot in your living room.

That's what we did.  We recreated the Melting Pot meal in his living room. 

From this amazing salad. . .

to the cheese and main event. . .

followed up by the best part. . .

Seriously, is there anything better than a plump, juicy, red strawberry, dipped in rich, warm chocolate?

I think not.

Chanelle even gussied up for the occasion with a new haircut done by my most fabulous sister-in-law.

Thank you, April!

Some people think birthday's should just come and go without any special recognition.  It's just a day is the mantra of many adults, right?  Personally, I disagree.  I think birthday's are an opportunity to pause and say hey, I'm glad you were born and my life is better because of you.  Sometimes it can be said with words. . . other times. . . calories.

I am so glad we got to celebrate my Dad this weekend.  He is so worth celebrating.  I know it.  My sister knows it.  Chad knows it.  Even the kids know it.  Chanelle put it perfectly. . .

I really like Poppy.  He's a real good man.  I wish we could stay at his house for 1000 days. 


I couldn't agree more, Chanelle.  I couldn't agree more.

. . . a good man he is.