Three

I remember it vividly.  The 5:00 a.m. wake up and the waiting for Chad to leave for work.  I remember listening for the garage door to close before sneaking into the bathroom like I was a secret agent on a top secret mission.  I remember taking the test and waiting an agonizing minute before seeing the “+” sign appear.  I remember sitting quietly in shock for several moments before calling Chad to share the news.  I remember the blur of that morning.  I remember sitting on the couch with Charlie and Chanelle with tears streaming down my face.  Anxious tears, sad tears, happy tears, terrified tears.  I remember my friend, Lisa, coming over and sitting with me as I cried and processed the change that was to come.  What were we thinking?  Why did I want to mess with something that is already so good?  What if adding a baby changes everything?  What if Charlie and Chanelle don’t adjust?  What if I can’t care for three?  What if. . .

I remember several hours later I was walking into the bedroom and I had a mental image.  In my head I saw myself surrounded by three young children.  There was one on my right, one on my left, and one standing in front of me.  All three were looking up at me.  The image was so fleeting that I was unable to see faces, but that didn’t matter.  Somehow, I knew. . . I knew that all three of those children were mine.  There was something about that image that sent peace rushing toward my heart.  The questions and fears were still there, but somehow I also felt calm, ready, and even excited.  There was something about being surrounded by these three children that made my heart feel complete.  

Now that we are 7.5 months into this three kid thing I can say with confidence. . . three is perfect for us. 

It’s impossible to know what you don’t know and in all reality you can’t know until you know.  (That made sense, didn’t it?)  Seven and a half months ago I didn’t know if I was capable of doing this mom of three thing.  Seven and a half months ago I thought I would just have to survive it. . .I had no clue that I would actually love it.

This morning Charlie and Chanelle slept in later than usual.  The house was quiet except for the little corner where Meadow and I were greeted with the morning light.  She sat and babbled and played while I sat back and watched. 

As I watched her I tried to remember back to a time when she wasn’t a part of us.  I tried to remember a time the time when it was just the four of us.  You want to know something?  I couldn’t remember.   It is as if Meadow has always been with us.  She’s always been a part of us. 

In fact, she has entered our lives with such ease that I have no doubt that our littlest was meant for us. . .

I can’t tell you how often I step back and watch these three from afar. There is something about the three of them together that feels so surreal.  Often I have to pause and remind myself. . . yep, they are yours. 

As the months have moved forward and Meadow has become a tiny person, I find myself enthralled by every little thing she does. 

But more than that, I find myself in awe of the way she has been met with open arms by Charlie and Chanelle.  Can somebody remind me what I was worried about because really. . . I’m not the only one smitten with this little girl.

Somebody needs to clean her mirror. . . I won’t say who. . .

It seems we all are. . .

I remember several conversations with girlfriends over the years that went something like, how do you know when you’re done?. . . having kids, that is.  Now that we have our three, at least for me, I can say ‘you just know’.

I can’t explain it, but I know it. . .

three just feels right. . .

  • Sassytimes - June 29, 2012 - 12:04 pm

    I love this!

    You do just know…you feel complete.

    Meadow looks so much older in these pics. She is so stunning.

    You are a great Mama of 3!ReplyCancel

  • kate • one more thing - June 29, 2012 - 1:37 pm

    This made me all sorts of teary this morning… beautifully written Summer.

    The photos?? What a treasure. You have a gift. How wonderful to have all these gorgeous images to look back on. 🙂ReplyCancel

  • Lissa Forbes - June 29, 2012 - 3:31 pm

    I agree with Kate. You do have a gift. I never dreamed I'd be following a mom who writes about her kids, but your stories are captivating and ooze with the love you have for these sweet angels. I look forward to your posts. The pic of Charlie handing get bal to Meado is sweet. And I absolutely love Meadow at the piano and her feet hanging below the bench. Chanelle seems to be loving and pensive all rolled into one. Take good care of your "three," my friend.ReplyCancel

  • Summer - June 30, 2012 - 12:11 am

    Thank you so much Ladies for such kind words. I am so touched by your support.ReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - July 5, 2012 - 1:16 pm

    Oh girl, I remember these kind of days! (And I still have them here and there even with the kiddos being a bit older). You continue to amaze me as you just PUSH THROUGH all the craziness and in the end find a way to SEE THE BLESSINGS that God has placed in your arms. Praying your girl can gain a new independence yet still need Mama too. 🙂

    I agree with the others, your photos are beautiful (ALWAYS!) and the kiddos are going to love looking through them (and this blog) when they are older. I know they will look back with gratitude for a loving Mommy who took TIME to love on them, who gave them so much opportunity to grow and shine and who also gave them adventure!

    Love ya!!!
    JoEllenReplyCancel

  • Wrestling Kitties - July 11, 2012 - 4:15 pm

    I teared up throughout this post. I am writing something for Henry for his first birthday in 2 months and this line:

    "I tried to remember a time the time when it was just the four of us. You want to know something? I couldn't remember. It is as if Meadow has always been with us. She's always been a part of us."

    Is so similar to what I wrote and just struck a cord with me. (I am crying now as I type…GAH!)

    I feel the same way. He was just meant to be a part of our life.

    Your family is beautiful and I am glad you found your perfect number for you!

    And Meadow…I just want to squeeze those cheeks. she is simply adorable!! The piano pictures are awesome. and the one towards the top with her tights on chewing the bracelet…takes my breathe away.

    Cute, cute, cute familyReplyCancel

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