I escaped the confines of my immobility this weekend. After spending a week cooped up inside, I used my sad puppy dog eyes and most pathetic whine to get Chad to okay the short reprieve from my doctors orders. I wasn’t asking for much, I only wanted to take the kids to a home, not far from our own, that decks their house out for the Christmas season. Of course he couldn’t resist and as soon as darkness fell we were on our way.
The house is a must see and the entire community is invited to enjoy the fruits of their labor at no cost. It was worth the trip.
My cheeks hurt from smiling and my voice was hoarse from the ohhs and ahhs and the look at that’s! Charlie smiled that smile that melts my heart and Chanelle got that nervous tongue-hanging-out-of-the-mouth- smile as we approached meeting the big guy. . .
As we walked toward the man in the red suit both Charlie and Chanelle tried to get out of it. We encouraged them to at least watch the other kids and to our shock, Chanelle took the lead and climbed in his lap and Charlie followed. Chanelle didn’t waste a moment before letting him know that she wanted a princess for Christmas. Charlie, on the other hand, thought deeply before happily telling him that he doesn’t know what he wants.
I would be lying, though, if I told you that I wore a smile the entire weekend. Far from it. In fact, I spent much of the weekend either fighting back tears or just letting them fall. And as I sit here now, I’m searching for that which I’m certain life is trying to teach me. I believe that somehow in all of this, in all the hurt, the disappointment, and in all the loss. . . there are lessons. . .
There are lessons to be taken from this weekend. A weekend where I struggled sitting and watching my husband doing all the things that I was supposed to be doing. A weekend when I cried as he fixed the kids lunch and then fixed my lunch. A weekend where I once again grappled with losing a part of myself that was, right or wrong, wrapped up in the things that I did.
Chad reminded me more than once that this is only for a time, but all I could think was. . . but it sucks today. I laugh at myself now as I reflect on the silliness of it all. Have I learned nothing this year?
Oh yes. . . I have. Somehow, though, I got stuck focusing on all that wasn’t how I wanted it to be and making the conclusion that. . . I don’t know what my conclusion was. But it isn’t until these quiet moments, sitting alone on the bedroom floor with my little ones that I remember. . .
. . . life doesn’t have to be perfect, to be beautiful.
And so I work to wrap myself up in that truth. To be comfortable with it. To snuggle up with it like a warm blaket. To take a deep breath and enjoy today, because in all reality, it’s the only day I have. To delight in the joys of the moment. . . because this moment will not last long.
I may not have made a nice meal for my family. Chad had to pick up my slack. I didn’t get to do all the cleaning I’d like to do. I don’t feel as prepared as I’d like to have family over this weekend. . . . it’s okay, though. . . our home is filled with the laughter of two healthy beautiful children and the contentment of a family that loves each other. . .
Could I ask for anything more?