Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who is just feeling my way through this Motherhood thing. If I’m the only one that is breathing in and out silent prayers all day long hoping and praying that I’m not messing up too much or that long term effects will not be felt from my screw ups. Perhaps my early decision to avoid parenting books is doing more harm than good. I wonder if my kids see through my facade of competency and realize that, most of the time, I’m quite clueless.
Am I the only one?
I smile as I write this because, for the most part, I’ve accepted it as a part of life. I am just feeling my way through this and to be honest–I’m okay with that. Truth is, I have this naive belief that, in the long run, the way I love my kids will somehow make up for my incompetency. There are days when I stumble through the tough questions (where do babies come from?) and other days when my patience is about as long as my pinky nail. Some days when I lay my head down at night I count the number of times I blew off appeals to sit and read or paid more attention to the laundry and dishes than the sweet faces of my little ones. There is no way around it. . . some days are far from perfect.
There are other days, though, when I see magic happen before my eyes. Days when I know a decision, or a period of time, or an idea hit that sweet spot of motherhood that you only know once you’ve reached it.
Sheila was one of those sweet spots. Meet Sheila. . .
Sheila (the baby) was a gift from Meadow to Chanelle upon our arrival home from the hospital. At first Chanelle was not real thrilled with Sheila. For several days I encouraged her to name her baby, but she insisted that she didn’t want to. My hope was that that baby doll might ease the transition of Meadow and the reality of less focused time she and I would have together. Unfortunately, she was less than enthusiastic and I was left feeling defeated. Defeated, that is, until this past Sunday.
Sunday afternoon I was organizing some things in Meadow’s room and decided to put a rocking chair and crib in the room for Chanelle’s baby. I was uncertain about how she might react to this, but figured it was worth a try.
SCORE FOR MOMMY.
As soon as Chanelle walked into the room her eyes lit up at the sight of her very own rocking chair, crib, blankets and burp rags for her baby. She grabbed her “Mama”-saying doll and took a seat.
Together, Chanelle and I sat in our babies room and rocked them together. As we sat, I talked to her about how to swaddle a baby and finally Chanelle felt ready to name her baby. . . Sheila. All day long she talked about how we can put the babies to bed together, rock them together, and be sure they they are ready for bed at the same time.
|Our babies even have matching outfits.|
Her excitement even wooed Charlie for a bit. . .
It’s such a small thing, I know, but these are the small victories that I claim as BIG victories. The Jackpots of Motherhood that push away the doubts and insecurities that whisper your messing up and paint a clear picture that overall, I’m doing all right. It is these moments, these tiny little victories, that provide fuel for tomorrow and help me to believe that while I may not see the entire path laid out ahead of me, somehow I believe that I’ll be okay for the next step.
Welcome to the family, Sheila!