Chanelle: Yeah. She was a lot of fun. I miss her.
Me: (tears streaming now) I know sweetie, I miss her, too.
Chanelle and I continued our conversation a bit while Charlie silently made his way up to his loft. I didn’t think he was listening until he suddenly looked over at us and said, Noni’s here with us right now.
Curious about what his six year old mind was thinking I asked what he meant. His response was immediate: “She’s always with us. . . She’s in our hearts.”
Oh, how I love that boy. He’s right. She is. . . she’s always in our hearts. And maybe, that’s why it’s so dang hard sometimes. My heart has been especially tender lately. The anticipation of a new life, the holidays, togetherness with family, changes. . . without her. There is no way around it, really. Every sweet moment carries with it a tinge of bitterness because she’s not with us.
Through the last year I’ve learned that the only way through it, is well, through it. And that’s what we will do. As I walk through this time, I hold on to my wise sons words knowing that she truly is, always in our hearts.
into the smell of rain
& the words that dance between people
& for me, it will always be this way,
walking in the light,
remembering being alive together.