I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Obsessing, really. Thinking
about passions, about direction, about purpose. Thinking about the kind
of person I want to be and the kind of life I want to live. Again,
Mary Oliver’s words come to mind. . . “Tell me, what is it that you plan to do with this one wild and precious life?” Good
things to think about, but things that weigh heavy and leave me running
in circles chasing my imaginary tale.
Somewhere along my 34 years I
made the false assumption that life would take a linear path from
Point A to Point Z. There was a right path and a wrong one and my
intent was to stay on the right one. But then life happened, real life,
and now I see that I was wrong. Perhaps there will be curves on
the path or perhaps the path splits and I will have choices to make.
Choices are good. Choices are freeing. But still, choices are scary. Just the other day Charlie was trying to decide between several different pieces of chocolate. My son, who gets it honestly, agonized over whether to chose the milk chocolate, the crunchy chocolate, the white chocolate, or the chocolate that was shaped like a bell. As he considered his options he said, I don’t want to pick the wrong one.
Such a funny thing to fret about, isn’t it? In reality, all of his choices were fine. One wasn’t right, while another was wrong. He simply had to decide what was best for him. What it was that he wanted.
That’s where I’ve found myself lately. Looking at life and asking myself the question, what is it that you plan to do with this one wild and precious life? Mary Oliver’s words are so powerful, but I think the word that is most powerful is “one”. One life.
I’m rambling, I know. I’m trying to sort it all out and fortunately or unfortunately visiting this space often gives you a front row seat to my over-dramatizations. I am blessed and I know it. Blessed to have a husband who says, I support you. A dad who says, follow your passions. A sister who says, I believe in you. Friends who say, you can do this. And a friend who gave me an ever present reminder that, (I)decided to start living the life (I) imagined.
I say all this to say I did another photo shoot. . . . and I liked it.
It’s so much more than that. . . But I can’t seem to find the right words for it. Instead I just cry and say to Chad. . . I love this. Photographing people, capturing moments, pausing time, and handing it over. . .
Is like nothing I’ve experienced.
This has all been so unexpected. When I was studying for tests and writing papers in grad school, a camera was the farthest thing from my mind. Life is full of surprises, though, isn’t it? Now I understand that there is not one “right” path, but rather, life is full of adventure and ultimately, choices.
As scary as that feels sometimes, it is also extremely exciting. . . and maybe even risky?
But maybe, just maybe, risk isn’t a bad thing. . . maybe it’s just part of the adventure.
Either way, I am thankful for those who have given me a chance to capture their moments. Thank you Katy and Andy for allowing me to spend time with your family and, ultimately, for being a part of my story. Your family is incredible. Each one of you.
To those of you who continue to come to this space through my obsessing, over-analyzing, and dramatic rants. Thank you for putting up with me and for allowing me to, well, be me.
Have a great Monday, Friends.