I have been formulating this post in my head for over a week now. There is so much I want to say, but I’m not sure how to organize my thoughts. Maybe I should just wait and marinate on the ideas a bit, but I know if I wait too long–I’ll never write it. I’ll never say it. I will let the moment pass and I will forget.
I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to dismiss the thoughts, the feelings. I want to let them wash over me. I want to feel them. I want to feel them now. Because what I know is that life is full of ups and down and hills and valleys and it moves at lightening speed. I take time to pause because someday when things don’t go very smoothly, I’m going to want to remember. I’m going to want to remember thankfulness.
Just over a week ago I photographed a beautiful wedding. The day was a whirlwind of chaos, adrenaline, enthusiasm, and excitement.
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The hours ticked by so quickly and the moments slipped away as quickly as the click of my camera. I spent the entire day in just keep up mode. As an internal processor–this is not my ideal. However, when the sun began to dip behind the horizon–that’s when it happened.
It was a rhetorical question. . . I knew how I got there.
As I looked back to the previous few days of wedding prep I saw all that happened. I saw my in-laws watching the kids so I could leave for the wedding. I saw my in-laws giving Chad a day off work so he could assist me at the wedding. I saw my dear friends meeting me the day before the wedding and offering encouragement and taking me to various locations to prepare for the big day. I saw my Dad dropping everything to watch three kids on a boat for an entire day. I saw my sister leaving work early to meet my Dad and help to watch the kids. I saw Chad with me every step of the entire day helping me in any way he could. I saw it all. I saw all these people who have sewn into my life and I was overcome.
You see, there was a time, not long ago, when I built a cocoon around myself. When my Mom was really sick and much of life was spent worrying and hiding and wondering what people would think if they knew. There was a time when I thought I could go at it alone. A time when I thought a life of isolation was okay. There was a time when I let go of people. A time when I didn’t dream.
And then my Mom died. You see, when we lost her, in a way, life started over. Little by little, life began to look different. I began to peek my head out of the cocoon and I found that there was still life out there. There were still dreams to dream and life to live. And those friendships that I thought had slipped away? They were still there.
Writing in this space was a sort of birthing process. Documenting our life and learning to love it. I mean, really love it, was a part of my process. My camera became another appendage and suddenly I ended up somewhere completely different than I ever expected. Somewhere exciting and beautiful and scary all at once. Those of you who visit here. Those of you who have said ‘you can’ when I thought ‘I can’t’. . . all of this changed me.
Suddenly, I get it. I was wrong. I needed these friends. I needed this space. Life wasn’t meant for isolation. Suddenly it makes so much sense. A kind word, an encouragement offered, a hand reached out–none of it is ever in vain. We, you and I, all of us–we need each other.
I’m not sure I’m making sense. I know what I want to say and I hope you’re hearing it. I guess the best way I can sum it up is this–Thank you. I never expected to be “here”, but I’m so thankful I am.
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life & she said she was way beyond that point already. I’m just
happy I remember to be there when it happens, she said. -Story People
Summer: WWhat beautiful words and pictures:) You are doing what God created you to do. You touch our hearts by the words you say. And say so beautifully.
Thank you, Jackie.
Humbled and grateful for the journey with you, friend- for to as many people as you have said, "you can," I hope that you continue and always do receive those words yourself, gifted and talented you! Thank you for saying "I can" to this. I love you! Kat
I love you, Kat.
oh friend.
friend.
friend.
FRIEND!!
you did so much more than just "keep up". you really rocked it. through the normal doubts and fears and "do i really have this under control". we knew that you'd be GREAT. and even if you didn't FEEL great, that your results would be stunning. and they were. you know what though, even if the proof was not in the proofs (hahah! i photog joke that you can laugh at; come on, it was funny!), we would still love you. for your greatness will never be measured solely in what you produce in pictures or words. but you, my friend, are a beautiful soul and everyone who knows you knows this.
i love you. and i have other words, but just between friends words, and i am so proud of you. ; ) love you, MISS
p.s. – glad you didn't tell them about that one time that we went to Cedar Point and never even go to ride the rides…. ; )
Miss.
Now I am crying.
You didn't give up on me. . . for that, I am so thankful. For that, I am changed.
I love you.
You have a talent that goes far beyond your photography skills… Your words, your grateful heart, your sharing ways… Your ability to express everything you're experiencing on paper with your readers… I'm sitting here crying because "you get it"… You've found your way and you appreciate the life you've been given. Thank you for sharing your stories!
Jen, I'm so thankful our paths have crossed. Thank you for your kind words, your kind heart, and your constant support. I (we) are so thankful for you.