I Threw A Tantrum

Well, there is no other way to start this but to just come out and say it. . . I kind of threw a tantrum today. 

There.  I said it.  I did it.  It’s true. 

I’m calling myself out and admitting it–I threw a tantrum.

Now, mind you, it wasn’t a fall-on-the-ground-kick-my-feet-scream-at-the-top-of-my-lungs-bang-my-fists-to-the-ground type tantrum.  I mean, come on, I do have my pride.  It was more like slow, drip-drip-drip, of tears from an over tired and exhausted Mama who had a moment or two of feeling sorry for herself.

I debated even admitting this, because let me tell you this, if anyone knows how blessed she is–it’s me.  If anyone knows she has no right to complain about anything, really, it’s me.  If anyone knows that she doesn’t really have problems–it’s me. 

But still. . . I’m human and today, I had a moment.  A fairly ugly moment. 

After telling Chad about my extreme exhaustion and how I forget what it’s like to have a conversation with him without hearing the word “Mommy” 27 times, and how I’m not sure I can go one more step, I proceeded to clean–like the martyr I am.  I sat in the middle of Meadow’s floor and picked up toys and clothes that she likes to scatter around her room, for the 43rd time this week, and I cried.

As silent tears were dripping down my face, a tiny, diaper clad little blonde girl walked into the room.  For a moment, Meadow paused and then she walked toward me, nestled herself in my lap and placed her head on my shoulder and patted my back as she hugged me.  There we sat, the two of us together, in silence.  My two year old wrapped herself around me as if to speak without speaking. . . it’s going to be okay.
Why am I admitting this?  I’m not sure, really.  Maybe just to say it–this motherhood thing?  It’s not easy.  It can feel quite lonely at times and the days of dirty diapers, footprints on the floor, fingerprints on the windows, silly squabbles, spilled milk, markers on the wall, mountains of laundry, sleepless nights, and long days seem–unending. 

Honestly, some days I’m certain I’m going to drown in Tide. . . and that’s okay because at least it would be restful sleep.

However, just as I look over fence and see the vibrant green on the other side. . . those tiny arms pat my back and I am brought back to the truth. . .

. . . there is no other place I’d rather be.

Maybe I say all of this as a declaration–to myself mainly–a declaration that says, I am thankful for this moment in my life that, deep down, I understand will one day be a faint memory.  I think that is the key that I need to hold on to.  The key that will ease me through the days that seem endless and thankless.  The days that feel lonely and monotonous.  The days that are a normal part of motherhood.

Okay, enough confession for one day.  Moving on. . .

Hello, December. . . we welcome you. . .

We’ve had our first snow and our first snow day as November ushered in December in the most beautiful of ways.  Snow. . and a lot of it.

Big, fantastic white flakes soared through the air and we drank it up. . .

. . . right along with hot chocolate.  It was really all we needed to get into the Christmas spirit.  With the first snow came the Pandora station belting out Christmas carols nearly all day long.  Deck the Halls and Silent Nights have poured through the house almost nonstop since last week.  (Or a little before–shh, don’t tell Chad.) 

We spent Thanksgiving at my Dad’s with cousins as family gathered together and did Thanksgiving in the way we love to do it. . . simply.  As has become our tradition, we help my Dad decorate his house for the Christmas season.

In other words, we destroy his house, break half the ornaments while the kids place the remaining ornaments on the bottom branches of his tree, and eat all of his food, before returning to our respective homes where this is all “normal”.

By the time we returned home I was feeling the very beginnings of the Christmas Spirit, but I wasn’t completely “there” yet.  Until, that is, we went to cut down our own tree.

Let’s just say. . . we did it in the only way we know how to do it. . .

. . . completely disorganized. 

Yep, wearing heels and a dress, I hiked myself up on a trailer so our family could cut down the most perfect tree.  Let’s just say, we  I got a few stares.  I felt the need to explain to more than a few people. . . I don’t normally wear this to get our Christmas tree–we’re just not good planners. 

Up and down the rows of trees we walked, in search of the most perfect tree.  We had talked about it through chattering teeth on the hay ride back to the field. . . we can probably do a nine foot tree. . .

Chad spotted it first and the gentleman at the farm confirmed it–yep, that’s about nine feet.  We were stoked. . .

Until we got it home and realized it was much, much bigger–12 feet. 

So goes our life. . . imperfect. . .

. . . but beautiful just the same.

Have a wonderful day.  I’m declaring it a “Tantrum Free Day” for me.


Thank you for hanging with me and my sporadic writing as I wade through the busy season over at SummerK.

  • Barbara Allen - December 3, 2013 - 3:32 pm

    Summer thank you for ministering to my soul through your blog – you bring smiles to my face, joy to my heart and sometimes even a few tears but after reading your blog and seeing your photos I always am blessed – not only do your words touch me but your photos say so much – thank you for sharing your gifts and your family through your blog – my life is better because of it.ReplyCancel

    • Summer - December 4, 2013 - 2:15 am

      Oh Barb. Nicer words could not be spoken. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. . . thank you. ReplyCancel

  • Katie - December 3, 2013 - 5:16 pm

    when little baby arms wrap themselves around your neck as little baby bodies settle into your lap, motherhood makes perfect sense. hang in there, summer. : )ReplyCancel

  • Sassytimes - December 3, 2013 - 5:52 pm

    I miss you! Glad Meadow could comfort your tantrum. How very sweet.ReplyCancel

  • Indy - December 3, 2013 - 8:59 pm

    You are one AMAZING lady, mother, friend and photographer! you inspire me daily. Thank you for sharing, we all go though these types of days…we all do! xoReplyCancel

    • Summer - December 4, 2013 - 2:17 am

      Indy, I am so glad our paths have crossed in this virtual world.

      So, so glad. ReplyCancel

  • Sarah Landa - December 3, 2013 - 10:51 pm

    Aw, that made me teary. Don't you just feel like those days are pushing the reset button. You have to fall, to cry, then pick yourself up and realize how thankful you are. We all do it, we are human. We are entitled! Lovely images too mama.
    Thanks for sharing!
    Sarah LandaReplyCancel

    • Summer - December 4, 2013 - 2:17 am

      Oh, Sarah, a reset button would be so lovely. Thank you for relating. . . and for stopping by my space. ReplyCancel

  • ally, zane, avery and nola - December 4, 2013 - 12:06 am

    oh that darn luscious grass! it taunts me every morning as i'm taking the girls to school and see other houses with low lights and tvs on and i envision snuggling and slow mornings on the couch. i miss it terribly. but i know how monotonous it felt when it was the everyday…tantrums are the way to handle it sometimes! embrace it, hug the kiddos and move on 🙂 loved this post! (and the heels at the tree farm, lol)ReplyCancel

    • Summer - December 4, 2013 - 2:18 am

      That grass. . . yes. Some days it doesn't appeal at all–others, I want to feel it between my toes.

      In the end, you are right, there is nothing like these days. ReplyCancel

  • Karen, Brian and Lucy - December 5, 2013 - 8:45 pm

    I understand all too well….Thank you for being so vulnerable, and sharing. I have been there. And by the way, was just over at your SummerK website. All I can say is that if I wasn't married already, I know who I would be hiring! Your work is absolutely beautiful. I hope those who you photograph know how lucky they are! ReplyCancel

    • Summer - December 10, 2013 - 3:14 am

      I saved these words, Karen.

      I tucked them in a spot so I could return to them–because a day will come when I'll need them–again.

      Thank you for your timely and very encouraging words that I will carry with me. . . always.

      Thank you. ReplyCancel

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