Certainly, her entrance into the world isn’t one of heroic proportions. It’s not a story noticed by anyone. I have no war stories or battle wounds to tell about. Her entrance into the world was, thankfully, unremarkable for most.
For me, however, Meadow’s entrance into the world brought forth such a rush of emotion, four years later, the feelings still remain.
The night before Meadow was born a friend sent the following in an email. . .
“This sweet Baby K came into your life, into your body, for a reason… for a distinctive reason. Perhaps you will heal even more from your unbelievable loss with the gain of this new baby.”
When Meadow was placed into my arms, something happened. The world, or at least my world, experienced an unexpected shift. I think back to the night she was born and while I may not remember the exact time she entered the world or the ounces that followed the pounds in her pronounced weight, I remember the feelings. Oh, how I remember the feelings.
For the first time since my Mom died, I felt, I mean, I really felt, that everything was going to be okay. For the first time since my Mom died, I understood, I mean, I really understood, how strong I really was. For the first time since my Mom died, I understood that utter joy still happens after after utter sadness.
Four years ago today, our Meadow entered the world and brought with her unexpected and beautiful healing to my soul. Four years ago today, a pink squishy, dark-haired baby was born and completed our family in the most lovely way.
Today, I write for her. Today, my Chatter is for Meadow.
I can hardly believe it. I can hardly believe you are four years old today. How is it that you have been with us for four whole years and yet still, you feel so new. . .
I say this almost daily and I know you’ve over-heard it by now, but I will say it until the end of my days. . .
And while you are just four years old today and my words will mean very little to you, I trust that someday you will read this and know. You will know how deeply you are loved and how fully you are celebrated.
And Meadow? There will come a day, not far from now, when our lives will not be as intertwined as they are today. Not long from now you will walk into the world and explore and discover and become even more who Meadow is supposed to be. At four years old, I already see it–I already know it–the world is better because you are in it–just as my world is better because you are in it.
Meadow, I will always look at these days when it’s just you and I at home as some of the most special of my life. I am thankful for these years with you. To see who you are becoming and to feel the spark of your light touch my face each and every day.
In your 4 years, Meadow, you have taught me more about life than any of my degrees every could. Thank you for slowing our life down. . .
And Meadow, as you grow and change and move further out into the world, one tiny step at a time, I want you to know this. . .
Happy Birthday, Sweet Girl.