Today, my first born turns six.
If I were to ask this little guy what he wants for his birthday I would doubt that “Mommy’s words” would make the top 100 on his list. Regardless, I write them now trusting that someday he might deem them as valuable.
Six years ago today, just before midnight, you burst into this world and in a moment made me a Mom. In a blink of an eye your tiny five pound frame transformed our family into something different. . . something better. On that day I had no idea what the future would hold. What it meant to have a little boy. What it meant to hold tight and let go. What it meant to be a Mommy. Oh, how I’ve enjoyed being your Mom.
To be honest, when you were first born I was scared. I didn’t know how to be a Mom to a boy. I was afraid that I would be clueless. That I wouldn’t know what you need. That I wouldn’t understand you. Even now as I write this I question myself. . . would a boy like my words?
I write anyway, because my heart is full of emotion for you. Full of thankfulness. Full of pride. Full of love. In six short years you have changed from a baby to a boy. A boy who I am proud to call my son. Oh, Charlie, we are so grateful for all you are and all that you are becoming. And let me tell you. . . this has been a year of becoming.
This year we have watched you transition into Kindergarten, play soccer, learn how to be a friend, get your wings and begin to fly. Our quiet little boy who used to cower behind us has stepped out into the light. We’ve watch as you have grown more confident and learned to face your fears. Charlie, you are so brave.
There are so many things that I appreciate about you. I think the best way to describe you is “well-rounded”. What I mean is you seem to have the best of so many qualities. Like, your laugh. Oh my, you have the greatest laugh. When you really get laughing the sound reaches into the deepest parts of my soul and I feel my heart dance. Your entire face actually comes alive and a light actually reflects from your eyes. I love the way you enjoy being silly.
Oh, we so enjoy your serious side, too. Your serious side is deep and complex and way beyond your years.
The best way I can describe it is a “sensitive soul”. A heart that is large and tender. A heart that is simply beautiful. We see it in the way you interact with people and in the way you seem to just know what others need.
We see it in the way you care for your sister. The way you love her and the way she adores you.
Charlie, we all adore you.
You are six years old today, Charlie. This year we have begun the process of letting go and letting you fly. . . little by little. That process will continue throughout your life. Sometimes the letting go will be easier than others. As your Mom I want you to know that I’m doing my best. I’ve never been a boy so I won’t always know what you need. (That’s why I married a great guy like your Dad.) No matter what, though, I will always be here for you. There will not come a day when I don’t believe in you and when I am not cheering you on. Some days I might be louder than others. . . but my cheers will always be there.
You see, I believe in you with everything I have.
And I pray for you. . . often. I pray that your heart will remain tender and you will always see the goodness that resides in you. Oh, the goodness is so abundant. My greatest hope for you? My greatest hope is that you will, simply, be you. Because “you”, Bud, is absolutely perfect.
Happy Birthday my Handsome boy!