I don’t even know where to begin. There is just so much. So much I want to say about the happenings of the last four days. I anticipate that I will have trouble putting my thoughts into any semblance of cohesive words. As I lover of words, I suspect there is no way any compilation of words can fully capture the beauty, emotion, and wonder I feel at the birth of our new little girl.
But still. . . I shall try.
I will warn you. . . this might get long. I apologize in advance for that. I can’t help it. No matter how long it gets, though, I’m certain it could be longer. Maybe you don’t want to read this now. Or maybe you will want to grab a cup a coffee and a bathroom break before you start in. Just know that I am doing my best to keep it concise without leaving too much out.
I want to start by saying a big thank you for all that commented and embraced Chad’s guest post. He was a bit hesitant when I initially asked him to do it, but he dove in anyway. I’m glad that so many got a glimpse of the good guy that I’ve often spoke about here. Now you know I’m not lying. . . he really is that much of a Good Guy.
Now it is my turn and I will do my best not to duplicate this thoughts.
November 17th, 2011 we were scheduled for an induction. I must admit that since this was the third time we had done this, I thought the process might be a bit anti-climactic. “Old hat”, shall we say? Oh, I knew it would be cool, but I thought it might be a familiar experience and lacking the excitement and anticipation that were so present at the births of Charlie and Chanelle.
Oh my, was I ever wrong.
When we got to the hospital we had just one goal. . .
The goal remained the same until the hours continued to tick by one after another without any progress. At that point, Chad amended the goal. . .
Have a baby so an early super can be enjoyed.
Once his goal was adjusted, the process flipped into high gear. The final moments before she was born happened so quickly and were in stark contrast to the way we spent much of the day waiting. In a matter of 45 minutes I went from 4 cm. to 10 cm. and was cautioned not to push until my doctor arrived. Quickly, we put on the song that was playing at the birth of each one of our children (Welcome to Our World) and everyone got into place. My doctor swept into the room, was masked and gowned and with just a couple of breathtaking pushes the wails of our baby echoed throughout the room. Tears streamed down my face as I sat up in antipation until I heard the words I had waited so long to hear . . It’s a Girl!
Sweet Meadow was welcomed into our world by the ear to ear smiles of Chad and I, as well as tears of joy that were impossible to stop. This moment is one I will never, ever forget. As Meadow was laid on my chest, I looked over at my sister who was also shedding tears of joy and at the same time we said it. . . Mom would be so happy right now. She looked at her niece and I looked at my daughter and we both knew that our Mom would be proud of this moment we shared.
Something in these words struck me. Something in these words rang true. And even though I am unable to pinpoint it right now, I believe that healing is and will continue to come though this birth. My friends words continued. . .
“This time, when we bring new life into the world, is full of so much emotion. It’s impossible NOT to think of our mothers… to want to right what has been wronged with our relationships… to attempt to understand them in ways that we never before could. Just having them near when a new baby comes home with us provides more comfort than any one else can understand.”
The reality nearly takes my breath away.
While I thought that having my third baby might be less exciting than the first two, it turns out that it has been even more incredible. In the last couple days, I have experienced a depth of emotions that feel new to me. Whereas with Charlie and Chanelle I felt as though I was simply surviving each day, this time I find myself slowing down and taking in each moment. I sit and I stare for hours.
It’s true, this time has been different. I’m not sure if it’s because we know this is our last. . . the completion of our family. Or if it is because of the ways that I have changed over the last few years. What I know now that I didn’t really know when Charlie and Chanelle were born is that life is so very precious. What I understand now that I didn’t understand then is that the hours, weeks, months and years go by so quickly and I will never regret slowing down, but I will always regret going too fast.
And so I slow down and see this precious life for what it is. . .a gift. I breathe in her scent and I watch with joy as Charlie and Chanelle wonder at the baby that was in Mommy’s belly.
Some moments I laugh and other moments cry. In every moment, though, I am thankful that our family has grown and Meadow is now one of us.
My heart is filled with excitement to see who she will become and what plans are laid out for her. What I know for sure, as my friend said, is that she has come at this time and in this way for a specific purpose and already I am seeing and believing that.
When we walked into the hospital last week, I really had no idea what to expect. What I found out, though, is that upon leaving. . .
. . . my heart would be completely wrecked. . .
Need I say it? We adore our newest family member.
Welcome to the world Meadow!