Why, I’m so glad you asked.  It looks something like this. . . We went home this weekend.  Home?  Okay, it’s not really my home. I haven’t lived there for a really long time, but I still claim it as my own.  Maybe there is some deep psychological issue within me that leads me to […]

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  • lisa - February 14, 2012 - 2:35 pm

    awwww….I just love this post! We call my dad Poppy also. I just love it! We just got back from Fla visiting him- and I just learned last night that he's in the ICU for pneumonia right now and will be there for a couple of days. It's sooo hard to be so far away and feel helpless- besides sending prayers.

    It's so important to show the ones we love just how much we love them…You and your family are very blessed. 🙂ReplyCancel

  • Sassytimes - February 14, 2012 - 7:54 pm

    You are so very blessed! I love that you relish in that and don't take it for granted.

    Meadow's cheeks kill me…they are so heavy and adorable!

    Great idea on the melting pot at home. I'll have to keep that in mind. I'm sure the kids would love it too.ReplyCancel

  • Adopted aunt - February 15, 2012 - 12:57 am

    Great pics they show the love you feel. Chanelle looks great with new haircut! Love the pic of you and your dad. Love the at home melting pot idea!ReplyCancel

  • Ky • twopretzels.com - February 15, 2012 - 11:10 pm

    Everything about this post made me teary-eyed.

    Your Dad looks so awesome.

    And I love that you got to nap… and that meal that ya'll made for him?

    So special. So special.ReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - February 16, 2012 - 6:05 am

    Yay, you got to go "home" over the weekend too! Good for you! I knew there were things taking place in your life! 🙂 Sounds (and looks) like it was the perfect weekend. LOVE, love, love the recreation of the Melting Pot! YUM! I am sure your dad loved it!! and felt so loved.

    I can't get over how much Meadow is changing! WOW! She is so cute…all your kiddos are so cute!

    Okay, I am going to try going back to bed. I think my meds are kicking in….finally! Good thing I have tomorrow to myself so I can sleep! 🙂

    JoEllenReplyCancel

Ah, Motherhood.  Before you dive into it, you really don’t know what to expect.  Or, at least I didn’t.  When I was blessed to read that “+” sign on the pregnancy test and to hear the doctor’s congratulations you are pregnant, my mind didn’t really go beyond that wrinkly little bundle I would cradle in […]

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  • lisa - February 10, 2012 - 3:52 pm

    awww….just so precious is the time we have with them. I wish I could slow down the clock- but I wouldn't trade any day that I've had with them for anything! Being a mom is simply the best dream come true…

    What wonderful memories you're making with them! And great pictures as always!

    Love the dryer shot… 🙂ReplyCancel

  • Adopted aunt - February 10, 2012 - 6:30 pm

    So true! And what adorable valentines! You do such a wonderful job of making memories! Love the pics! Loved when they hid on Thurs. Such fun! Yes I was not prepared for all that being a mom was about but you learn as you go, from family, friends. I was lucky when Darrick was born, one of my very good friends was pregnant too and we grew as moms together. The best legacy you can leave them is your faith in God. It's been wonderful to see that grow in my 22 and 20 year old, plus the memories we have made.ReplyCancel

  • Sassytimes - February 11, 2012 - 8:12 pm

    I love that craft! We were going to make those for preschool, but I opted for something a little less messy for a 1 and 3 year old. 😉 Maybe next year…

    Our kids LOVE hiding when daddy comes home too. The funniest part is that they still believe if they can't see you, you can't see them. So fun!

    I just bought 101 cookie cutters on clearance at our local craft store. The girls think it's sooooo cool! I've been cutting everything I can into shapes. My husband even admitted his sandwich for lunch today tasted a little better shaped as a butterfly. Ha!

    I love that you have friends close by to help you through these long winter days inside.ReplyCancel

  • Lissa @ lafcustomdesigns - February 11, 2012 - 8:35 pm

    Summer: you are so creative. I wish I had had your gift when my children were young (well at least more than I did). I just love that you turned the quicke into a ginger bread man!! Made me smile.ReplyCancel

  • cjc - February 12, 2012 - 1:35 am

    oh, my word, you had your baby! and, I ADORE the name. she is lovely.

    always enjoy catching up on here. that picture of chanelle with the light on her hair is amazing.

    and, we would indeed be great friends.

    I'm always so excited to see your comments…thank you for always saying what you say.

    carinReplyCancel

  • Trophy Life - February 12, 2012 - 8:15 pm

    omg – it's like the MOTHERHOOD JACKPOT – pb&j photos, awesome hiding places and gingerbread men quiche and a craft/food project?! who says you're not well on your way to Best Mom of 2012? my vote has been cast.ReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - February 13, 2012 - 8:27 pm

    You are full of great ideas Summer! I love how willing you are to make a mess of the kitchen just to make memories with your kids.
    And what I love even more is how serious you take your role as mother of your beautiful children. I just wish more people in this world would care as much as you do. I "believe" too!
    Love ya!
    MarieReplyCancel

. . . you and I are far more powerful than we ever really know. . . The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. But that does not lessen our possible impact, […]

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  • Anonymous - February 8, 2012 - 3:58 pm

    That picture is AWESOME!!! I love it!! It is one of my favorites of your pictures! That quote is soo true. Sometimes we may never know the impact we have on someone's life.
    ~tammyReplyCancel

  • Abbe - February 8, 2012 - 6:26 pm

    beautiful. simply beautiful. thanks so much for sharing this wonderful reminder, friend!ReplyCancel

  • Trophy Life - February 9, 2012 - 1:29 am

    i'd like this photo of your cute feet and powerful word in a 5×7, por favor. ; )ReplyCancel

Chanelle and I did something that I typically avoid at all costs. . . we ventured into Walmart. . . after dark.  Most of our Walmart trips happen first thing in the morning.  The morning Greeter makes the experience a pleasant one.  For example, just  last week after issuing his cheerful Good Morning! Welcome to […]

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  • lisa - February 7, 2012 - 1:14 pm

    Summer, I am so happy that you allow us to be a part of your story. You have such an amazing voice! You really have a way with words that connects with me on so many levels.

    LOVE your 365 project photos!! Seriously in awe of your growth!!!

    we have a nicer wal mart that is filled with "country folk" that I usually only go to…I so know the scene you described! It's really a strange trip there at night!

    ps…look over your recipe directions…"Child in refrigerator" I think it's a typo 🙂ReplyCancel

  • lisa - February 7, 2012 - 1:17 pm

    forgot to add- my 12 yr olds still occasionally call me "mama"…it's like being transported back a couple of years- can't begin to describe what it does to my heart! I wish they would always call me that…
    🙂ReplyCancel

  • Summer - February 7, 2012 - 1:37 pm

    Hahaha! Thank you Lisa….tho child in the refrigerator is tempting on some days…you are right…typo. 🙂ReplyCancel

  • Ky • twopretzels.com - February 7, 2012 - 9:21 pm

    Oh sigh.

    Great post.

    Oh, oh, oh… how I miss snow.

    And why does Walmart attract the most interesting sects of people?ReplyCancel

  • Trophy Life - February 8, 2012 - 12:54 am

    : ) loved these pics – of your littles and your Big and your spilled pie mishaps. do you really believe that you were clumsy only after you became pregnant with Meadow? funny, cause i remember this clumsiness way differently…. ; ) love you.ReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - February 8, 2012 - 12:56 am

    You inspired me with your LOVE and items of LOVE in this post! I LOVE your ideas and perspective so much I can't get it out of my head! Your pictures are so captivating and that also inspires the soul.
    LOVE you Friend!!
    MarieReplyCancel

  • Adopted Aunt - February 8, 2012 - 2:03 am

    No thank you for letting us be ourselves by reading your words that I know are do often what. I may be thinking or feeling. What a great way to spend sat am, though I stayed inside where it was warm:). Proud of you that you served the pie, believe me I would have. Let them call you mama as long as they want! I still get good bye kisses and goodnight ones when home. No matter how old they get we are still their moms. I love the book I will love you forever. Makes me cry.ReplyCancel

  • Summer - February 8, 2012 - 2:23 am

    @ Malissa. . . I love you.

    🙂ReplyCancel

  • Charbelle - February 8, 2012 - 1:00 pm

    WalMart on Saturdays all day is also the equivalent of the different world it as at night. I go on my lunch hour, I'm thankful it's convenient to do this.

    I am going to have to try the peanut butter pie recipe. If mine drops my puppy is going to think he's died and gone t heaven, he loves peanut butter!!!

    Thank you for sharing your world with us!! The pictures are amazing!!!ReplyCancel

  • Sassytimes - February 8, 2012 - 8:43 pm

    I'm laughing over the pie on the floor and the child in the fridge. You are wonderful!ReplyCancel

It’s funny, I said to Chad, it’s just hitting me that it’s permanent.What? he asked me.That she’s not coming back.  That I’ll never again have a Mom.  That it’s over.Yeah, he said.It’s just so. . . sad, I said to him.It is.  You might be surprised at how often little conversations like this pop up […]

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  • ally, zane, avery and nola - February 3, 2012 - 1:15 pm

    oh, what a heartbreaking, beautiful, necessary and honest post. i have no words of wisdom, only tears in my eyes and a heavy heart at all that is the unfair permanence of some things.
    thinking of you.ReplyCancel

  • lisa - February 3, 2012 - 2:39 pm

    I wish I could give you a huge hug cyber-friend…I'm so sorry for the pain you feel. I know there are no words that will help…just know that I'm praying for you and your family.

    I read your words and try to put them into perspective with my own relationship with my mom…I still have my mom, but it's a very difficult relationship…one that is being tested right now and I'm not sure how to repair it or if I even want to…yet I read your words and I keep wondering if she were gone how would I feel? Thanks for sharing your pain…it does help others… 🙂

    And your photos are just beautiful…love the one of you!ReplyCancel

  • Adopted Aunt - February 3, 2012 - 3:29 pm

    Tears are in my eyes.I love the beautiful picture you brought to us with your love and honesty of losing your mom to early. I know she would be proud of you the wife, mom, individual, friend, dil, you are and have become! She would love all three of your beautiful children. Yes she will always be with you in your heart and mind and that to is permanent. Love and hugs Summer!ReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - February 3, 2012 - 7:49 pm

    I'm so glad you have this place to freely type out your thoughts! I feel it is a gift to yourself as you read back through and see where you started at and where you are today! A true gift to you (and also to your family). I will always marvel at how you savor each precious moment with your hubby, kiddos, family and friends. I strive to do that as well (thanks to you and this beautiful blog). I mean that too!!!!

    I know you miss her oh so much! I will continue to pray for you as you go through those painful moments of wanting her here. I agree with you, she would BE SO PROUD OF YOU! You are beautiful, my friend! So beautiful!

    love and hugs
    JoEllenReplyCancel

  • Sassytimes - February 3, 2012 - 11:56 pm

    And now, I'm crying. I wish I could reach through the computer screen and hug you. My heart is heavy for you. While I do not have the exact situation as you, I understand your mix of emotions. I do. I wish we could sit down, enjoy a peaceful meadow and share our stories. I've never shared my story, not sure if I'm strong enough…but you make me feel like I'm not alone in my heart ache. THAT is important…that is a purpose. Your mom would be proud.

    Praying for you.ReplyCancel

  • Yes Jesus Loves me - February 4, 2012 - 5:55 am

    Wow, This week has been a hard one for me…I didn't know why until I read your blog this evening…I am in the season of gone…Gone from my arms, gone from my sight, gone from my everyday life..gone are my saturday morning chats with dad sitting on my back porch before anyone was up and awake, gone are the moments of atta girls and you can do its..praying for you dear Summer..Please keep me in your prayers as well..*hugs*ReplyCancel

  • Stacy - February 4, 2012 - 12:22 pm

    I love this post. Thank you so for being so vulnerable!ReplyCancel

  • urban muser - February 4, 2012 - 2:39 pm

    beautiful post, i am sure your mom would be proud. i lost mine 17 years ago and i always wonder what our relationship would be like now, all these years later.

    thanks for your support over at {in the picture}–looking forward to seeing more of you!ReplyCancel

  • Lissa @ lafcustomdesigns - February 4, 2012 - 4:35 pm

    Summer: you are really quite a good writer. You engage me as a reader. I am there with you and can relate in so many ways. I have lost both my parents now and I think we don't realize before they are gone that when they ARE gone, it is, as you say, permanent. I know there are moments one of my kids probably wishes I were gone, but what will he feel when that is true.

    I love your images of your childrens' innocence. The one of the tiniest sleeping in her pink hat is so precious; the engagement of Charlie as he spins his car away from him; and Chanelle with you beautiful big compassionate eyes.

    We always remember our moms regardless of the relationship we had. And you captured aptly that that is also permanent.

    Best to you. lafReplyCancel

  • Joni - February 4, 2012 - 11:25 pm

    I love to read your writings and see the pictures of your family. It seems like our days at seminary are both not long ago and ancient history. Keep writing.ReplyCancel

  • Summer - February 5, 2012 - 1:38 am

    Thank you, to each of you, for your kindness, compassion, empathy, and support.

    Thank you so much.ReplyCancel

  • Written Permission - February 6, 2012 - 2:44 pm

    Love you, friend. This was absolutely beautiful and heartbreaking and wonderful. You are gifted, Sum. As a writer, as a parent, as a daughter…and so much more. Your mom IS so proud, I know she is.ReplyCancel

  • Anonymous - February 7, 2012 - 2:22 am

    Summer, you have such beautiful words. I think it comes from that beautiful heart of yours. I want to drive to your house, even though I don't know where it is, and sit and hug and cry with you.
    I have so much more to say, but don't know how to get it out. So for now…it's just Love you Friend!!
    MarieReplyCancel

  • Ky • twopretzels.com - February 7, 2012 - 9:28 pm

    You're so brave.

    You're facing this head on. I kept reading the word "permanent" on this blog and my mind's eyes would shudder, close and turn away. While I know the loss of my Dad is [obviously] permanent… I never, ever, EVER say that. I never let my brain… or maybe my heart… admit that it's permanent. It's been so many years… so many… but I just can't close that chapter.

    I strain to hear his voice.
    In my brother I hear his laugh.
    Sometimes I sob for him, for me, for us… still.

    I don't think I'll ever accept that his departure from my physical life is permanent.

    Just this past weekend I bought Lila her first pair of New Balance tennis shoes. Why? Because my Dad was a runner and that's all he wore. So, that's what I wear. And that's what my daughters will wear.

    Nope you're right, my sweet sister. They're gone, sure. But they are permanently emblazoned in our hearts and even in the wake of their departure we want and need to feel that they'd approve.

    I believe your Mom would.ReplyCancel

  • Erika - February 22, 2012 - 9:43 pm

    I'm coming over from Shutter Sister. Absolutely your mom would be proud! No question.ReplyCancel

  • Valerie - February 22, 2012 - 10:17 pm

    Hi. I wandered in from Shutter Sisters. I lost my parents when I was in college. My husband and son never met them. Just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone. It truly stinks…yet you find your mother somehow deep inside of you. Hope Edelman has some great books that may help. All the best to you and I'm sorry for your loss.
    –Valerie
    http://journeyleaf.typepad.com/journeyleaf/2011/03/at_home_in_story.htmlReplyCancel

  • Beta Mother - March 2, 2012 - 5:31 pm

    I can totally identify with this post of yours. On the 18th of this month it will be 5 years since my Mum died – it was Mother's Day – in every sense. But FIVE years? It feels like twenty. It feels like three minutes. It feels like 4 weeks. The unending nature of death and loss is alarming, at times. I'm not sure there is an answer to how to cope with it, especially when the loss came too, too soon. I wrote about losing my mum here; http://www.abctales.com/story/russiandoll/my-friday-night-crying maybe it'll mean something to you, maybe not – whichever is fine. Much love to you anyway ♥ReplyCancel

  • Beta Mother - March 3, 2012 - 5:36 pm

    Thank you for reading my piece and commenting. I have to tell you that reading this piece of yours has been the catalyst I needed to write the follow up to My Friday Night Crying. So that's what I did, last night. It's needed an outlet for some time, I am so relieved to have found it now.

    This grief thing.. it is a journey.. and for those who are profoundly affected there is real solace, growth and comfort in knowing that other people have walked these paths too, that your pain is understood with great respect and compassion with no request for you to hurry on to the next stage. It is what it is. You are doing so very well. Being able to acknowledge that there is growth borne from loss is incredible. Some people never get that. Your words have been very affirming for me. Thank you ♥ReplyCancel

  • Ky | TwoPretzels - November 5, 2013 - 6:15 am

    I'm reading this post again, months after I originally read it. Back then I was only grieving one parent, now I'm grieving her.

    I've sobbed this night away and I've sobbed as I've read this.

    Oh, Summer.

    I'm sorry for all of this. For you. For me, too. I'm just sorry. And sad.

    You give me hope that it might get a little better. xo.ReplyCancel

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